Hell's Kitchen
Hellions
There are several serious bars and pubs and six or seven very decent restaurants along 9th Avenue. Bar 9 has an awkward space but homely feel. The bartenders have been known to serve free drinks to very plain, unassuming people. Bar 9 sets the 9th Avenue standard for lounge/dive - a definitive style which includes torn velveteen couches, nine dollar fruity martinis, and friendly patrons, approachable in the uneven lighting. Bar 9 features a Y-shaped entrance, which allows one to suss out at a glance: stay or go. I say go.
Bar 9's competition lies four blocks down. Vintage, I'm told by a regular at Bar 9, is run by cold businessmen. The tome presented by Russian ingenues to thirsty patrons is a four thousand drink list. You could have 18 year old single barrel oak aged scotch, or you could have candied lime encrusted lemon drop martini. Shockingly enough, you could probably have the scotch-and-lemondrop combo - it's item #1159. Joking aside, it's a cool bar - the drinks are expensive, but mostly good (avoid anything with olives - too much brine). In the summer, there's an outdoor area. The decor is savory, but you're sitting on Ian Shrager
Hotel hopefuls. Otis, across from Vintage, is cheaper and more comfortable. The jukebox is within reach and earshot - high chairs in the front afford a good view onto the street. It's more of a bar than lounge.
Eatery announces itself with a prominent "e". The Miso glazed Salmon is excellent, the sliced steak quite good. Eatery serves six dollar sparkling wine by the glass (New Mexico) and provides shrimp chips to munch on while you wait for appetizers. The bar area is too narrow to be comfortable, but if you've already had a couple, you're unlikely to notice. In its former incarnation as Chevy's Diner, eatery was a cut-rate diner. It has since become one of the swankiest venues on 9th Avenue: wearing tennis shoes with no socks will make you invisible to the staff at the door.
Mangia è Bevi is good for parties. Aforementioned midtown bachelorettes are fond of its festive atmosphere and Cabo-italiente ambiance. Their pasta is good as are the salads. Like Eatery, they have limited outdoor seating which boarder on Mediterranean venue, Julian's. The adult Chuck è Cheese festivities can aggravate, so for dates, avoid it.
Delta Grill brings a little bit of New Orleans to Hell's Kitchen and offers Alligator Tail, Cat Fish Po' Boys, and salads with plenty of fresh mixed lettuce. There are nice touches to the food presentation (corn bread) , and serious portions. The ambiance is pleasant - wood accents and lively orange walls greet diners. Although pricier, the ribs are well worth it.
Further down on 49th, towards 8th Avenue, Platafoma Churrascaria, a Brazilian steakhouse, occupies a low space between two nondescript residential buildings. The Churascaria Caiparhinia's are a stick of dynamite - the Latina hostesses are the fuse. Patrons are given unwieldy flashing pagers for when their tables are ready, usually 20-30 minutes after reservation time. After the buzz from both cocktail and buzzer (the lights could beckon UFOs hungry for Cow), diners are seated in the middle of a linen and steak skewer mosh pit. The centerpiece of the dining area is a salad bar, complete with Paella, vegetables, and Brazilian delicacies (including Hearts of Palm, the vegetable of carnivores). A jaded New Yorker commented: "it's an upscale Sizzler". In fact, Churrascaria is the closest thing to value for money in higher range New York dining. Dessert is extra, but by the time you've gorged through the meats, you will have no interest in the assorted tarts.
Hallo Berlin off of 9th is a good lunchtime standby, offering Oom-Pah food and snooze-inducing satisfaction. The Hallo Berlin Lunch Special consists of two kinds of sausages plus a side - their knackwurst and bratwurst combo is good for nouvelle cuisine detractors. The restaurant decor is almost non-existent: You sit on benches, indoor or outside. It is good for hungry, budget-conscious groups.
For the intoxicated, EXIT nightclub off of 10th is a throwback to the 1993 heydays of anonymous and obnoxious techno. Unfortunately, you do not see an ice-picking vintage 92 Sharon Stone beside you. In fact, the place isn't large enough to get lost in - there are no stained glass windows, slides, or chandeliers to add to the decadent club experience. On a Saturday at 4:00AM, exhibitionists can leap onto the stage and pretend they're in a Mitsubishi ad. The most stunning aspect of EXIT is the entrance fee. You could travel to Topeka for the amount they charge. Then again, the $40.00 per person entrance is probably Exit's way of screening unsavory characters. Be prepared for an invasive body search and pep-rally sized dance hall - but remember, if you're entertaining Australians in the wee hours, Exit opens up a world of possibilities. The only possible late-night munchies follow-up is Renaissance Diner, the true neighborhood winner.
Reprise
Bar 9 - 807 9th Ave (212) 399-9336
eatery - 798 Ninth Ave and 53rd (212) 765-7080
Vintage - 9th Ave, b'ween 51st and 52nd
Mangia e Bevi - 800 9th Ave (212) 956-3976
Delta - 700 Ninth Ave (212) 956-0934
Plataforma Churrascaria - 316 W. 49th St (866) 299-8288
Hallo Berlin - 402 W 51st St (212) 541-6248
Exit - 610 W 56th St (212) 582-8282
Renaissance Diner - 776 9th Avenue (212) 246-9873
Writer Dimitri Darras
Dimitri lives and works in New York. He is currently writing a narrative about Great White Shark Diving in Southern Africa. You may email Dimitri your critiques, or better yet, offers of free drinks and/or meals at ddarras@brainlink.com
