presents
Letters To The Barmaids
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TO: Mr. Ledder Etidor
Barmaids of NYC
Subj: Coyotees Got 'em
Waall, Bowyz,
I hope Y'all like the lettah that we recieved here at the office today. It was quite an unusual submission, I must admit. It arrived in a large Fed-Ex box. Inside was a very worn and beat-up leather saddle bag with a single letter in an envelope marked in charcoal, "Caroline, In-Nyc". It smelled of campfires and horses, and spoke of life on the Great Plains. Unfortunately, it also came with a Certified Letter from the U.S. Marshall's Office stating that the bag was found floating in the Missouri River with the address written on the label saved from a can of McCormack's Pork and Beans. This particular label now resides in the U.S. National Archives. We decided to send the bag on to y'all, along with the letter to this "Cartoline, In-Nyc", in the hopes that you can find her and give her the letter. Thanks ta Y'all.
Kissin Cuzin Kisses,
Rufus T. Budlick
Sherrif, Buffalo County, Kansas
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Dear Caroline
at the Coyote Ugly,
Oh just looking at you, Caroline , darlin, makes me want ta give up ma bronco bustin
ways ferrever! Iffin I was ta lose ma Famly Jewls at the Rodeo without makin yer acquaintence
at least once ....! Why that would make me feel dummer than a Reetard Mule!
Well, honey, I recon that you've been proposed to more times than Lola of the Silver Dollar Casino, but when I saw yer pictures on that website thingymabob, I just knew I'da hafta ride all the way back East and meet ya in person. If I ride day an night fer a week, I might just make it to the Coyote Ugly Saloon by Satturday!!!
Yaaaaw hooooieeeee!!!!
Sincerely Yours ma'am,
Cowboy Clem
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Mr. Ledder Etidor Says
Just wait till that love-struck cowpoke sees what she does on that sprinkler pipe hanging from the ceiling!! He's gonna need an airbag on the front of his saddle.....!
I tellya whut, I betcha if a doggie-roper like him showed up in her bar, Caroline'd romp'em and stomp'em and pour a shot or three down his dusty throat, and make him feel at home in the big City; but when he'd met his match and was ready to hit the trail, she'd call him a yellow cab, throw him and his saddle in the back, and tell the driver, "Take this boy back to the wide open spaces!
Destination: Laramie! Giddayup!!
We assume Clem is the one with the hat.
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